Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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