So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
