yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
