I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize