OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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