so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
