i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
ok first of all what the fuck
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
