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I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
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