Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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