Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
