Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
