So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You left your phone here
Wait...
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