My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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