Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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