i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
