The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
false alarm, still single
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