life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
