Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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