Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
