im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
