I murdered the dance floor call the cops
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
