i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize