Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
