Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
