I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
