i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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