My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
