At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
