i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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