what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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