Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
