i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
