You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
