He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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