Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I faked an abortion last night.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
