she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
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Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
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He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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