he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
