you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
