so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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