am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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