let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
