I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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