goodnight i made you a song goodbye
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
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i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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