Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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