Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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