I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
