I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize