I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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