there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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