gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
