3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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