Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
dude. I can hear the air.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
