she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
