He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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