Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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