Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
