just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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