My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
