Its about making memories worth repressing
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
