My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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