Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
