you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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