i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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