Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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