Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
