I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
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im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
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i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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