Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
