Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
