speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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