Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
God, I missed his penis.
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